So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
