And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
