can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
