That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
