bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
