At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I supernannyed him into submission
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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