The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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