dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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