you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
