i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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