jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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