he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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