OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
