yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
