So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we're making bets on your personal life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
