planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
