I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
