you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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