She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
