do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
