This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
