It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
