Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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