this just has baby written all over it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
