I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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