I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
