even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
