The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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