my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there is glitter all over my balls
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize