I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
