Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
