just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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