He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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