I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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