Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
