when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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