any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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