8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
