I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
