I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
