you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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