So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
