It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
