official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
