why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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