there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
