I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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