I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I sprained my soul last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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