Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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