nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
