Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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