oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
