I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
