I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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