you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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