oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
