Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
