I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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