lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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