So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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