another moral hangover. fuck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
