I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
