but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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