I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize