so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
