Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
