you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
