This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
