Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
