1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
