Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
