Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
