I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
