Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
