If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
