I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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