Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
