Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize