watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think people are normalizing furries
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
