If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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